Another Mass Shooting

Another Mass Shooting

Having lived in the central Florida area my entire life, we have certainly had our share of violent acts. According to an Orlando Weekly blog post from December 2015, there were 27 mass shootings in Florida in 2015 (read the blog post here).  What’s more, according to the website shootingtracker.com, there have already been 14 mass shootings in Florida for 2016. These figures exclude the mass shooting from this past weekend, where – according to information available at the time of this writing – 20 people were killed and 42 were injured.

As we read newspaper articles and hear television news reports about these incidents, it makes sense that many people are fearful. Although statistics show that crime rates – including violent crime rates – have improved since the early 1990s, many of us live in a steady state of anxiety and worry. But how do these events affect us as individuals, our perceptions of others, and our approach to parenting? And more importantly, what can we do about it?

How Do These Incidents Affect Us As Individuals?

For many, especially those who are already prone to anxiety, reports of violent crimes reinforce their belief that the world is unsafe. That at any time something bad can, and probably will, happen.

As a result, these individuals remain on constant alert. They are what we call “hypervigilant,” which basically means that they are always on guard, alert, and scanning the world for danger. This hypervigilance results in a state of chronic stress. And as research has clearly demonstrated, chronic stress – which causes the prolonged presence of adrenaline and cortisol in our system – has a detrimental impact on our immune system (causing us to be more prone to illness), our cardiovascular system (causing us to be more prone to heart problems), our physical body (causing a decrease in metabolism and increased storage of fatty tissue), and our mental health (causing us to be more anxious and limiting our ability to reason and problem solve).

In a very real way, the stress caused by reports of mass shootings and other violent acts can have a direct impact on anyone’s mental and physical health.

How Do These Incidents Affect Our Opinions of Others?

Living in a chronic state of stress and hypervigilance affects the way we interact with others. This certainly makes intuitive sense. For example, say you happen to read an article about a violent act perpetrated by a 25 year old bearded white man. It would make sense that the next time you are walking down the street and a 20-something year old bearded white man is walking toward you, you will experience some anxiety.

This type of stereotyping has always been present. Biologically, this response is evolutionarily protective. If you identify a danger, your body (your brain, as opposed to your mind) labels the characteristics of that danger and files it away to make sure that it keeps you safe the next time those characteristics come around.

As a result of these social, perceptual, and physiological events, we become more or less willing to accept and understand the perceptive of others. We see “them” (referring to those who possess characteristics consistent with those who committed the violent offenses) as “different” and a potential “threat.” As such, there is an internal pressure to stay away from them and avoid any unnecessary interactions. This tendency, of course, often results in bigotry, hate, and intolerance.

How Do These Incidents Affect Our Parenting?

When we view the world (or at least certain aspects of the world) as unsafe, we directly and indirectly pass those fears, worries, and stresses on to our children. Parents are programmed to protect their children. So when you view the world as dangerous, you are going to protect your child. Again, this is natural, normal, and evolutionarily critical for survival.

Unfortunately, when we are hypervigilant, we tend to see danger when there is no danger present. We will communicate to our children, sometimes quite overtly, that they are not safe. I have met people who refuse to allow their 11 year old child to go to the bathroom alone while in a store. I have met people who will not allow their 8 year old to play in their fenced-in backyard unless someone is outside with them.

What are these children learning? Is it any surprise that these children are riddled with anxiety and stress all the time? That they see any form of confrontation or criticism (even constructive) as a threat? How will these children manage disappointment and frustration as they age? How will they successfully adjust to their transition from childhood to adolescence and then adulthood?

So What Can We Do About It?

The first step you must make is acknowledge that these types of thoughts and beliefs are damaging to your physical and emotional state. You must understand and accept that chronic stress caused by these types of beliefs will result in more harm than good.

The second step is to find a way to manage the cognitive distortions (those automatic thoughts that distort reality) that tell you that the world is dangerous. There are no lions outside of your hut, waiting to pounce on you. Are there lions out there? Sure. But are they targeting you? Not likely. When you experience those thoughts that tell you that the world is after you, recognize and label them as false.

The third step is to stop overgeneralizing. Though related to step two, this requires you to realize that all of the people with certain characteristics (i.e., that 20-something year old with a beard) are not the same; just as you are not the same as everyone with characteristics similar to you.

This calls for an important caveat. That is, you may still have initial “cognitive distortions” about a person with particular traits. For some, those impulsive, unintentional thoughts may never completely go away. However, the important aspect of step three is to recognize them for what they are (from step two) and then make a conscious decision to change your reactions.

The final step is to be mindful about what you are teaching your children. Do we want them to be safe? Of course! But do we want our children to feel as though they are always in danger? No! Allow them some freedom. Through gradual means, allow them to explore the world on their own.

A few years ago, I wrote about how I did this with my son, who was about 12 years old at the time. We were at a professional sporting event, attended by about 15,000 people. My son needed to use the bathroom, and since we had been at that stadium multiple times, he knew where the bathroom was and wanted to go alone. Sure, I was worried about his safety. Sure I could have accompanied him and told him it was unsafe. Instead, I let him go alone. But as he turned the corner, I started to follow. Without him knowing, I watched him walk to the bathroom. I watched as he went in, waited a moment, and then saw him come out. Before he could see me, I returned to my seat. When he got back, he was beaming! He was happy that I allowed him to go alone. And more importantly, he was proud of himself for finding his way all alone. And most importantly, I taught him that he is safe and self-reliant. It made him feel secure in himself and boosted his self-esteem. All the while, he had no idea that I was worried and monitored.

Are there dangers in the world? Yes. Is this a new thing? Of course not. There were dangers when we were children, and there will be dangers for our great grandchildren. But if we are not mindful of how we allow these dangers to affect us, we can cause damage to our physical, social, and emotional well being. What’s more, we can create similar damage to our children.